For Poppy's sake!

I cried last night. I just broke down and cried. Was it from the heaviness I felt all day? The one I was pushing away? The one I couldn't explain? I'm not too sure. But somebody close to me got off the phone with me that night and I could feel his weight on his shoulders and then I realised maybe I was feeling what he felt. Its happened often. But that is besides the point.

I hung up. I broke. The dog looked at me with curiosity. And just like that the dog jumped into action and came up and started licking me and hugging me. How did she know? I haven't grown up with dogs, I was actually quite annoyed at this dog an hour before but her loyalty is beyond any human I know. She didn't care that I yelled at her, she just cared that I was hurt.

Then there was a point in time during the licking and hugging that I got up and realised this has got to stop. Whatever this is. That enough is enough and I don't like feeling like this so I have to change something.

A lot of you may not understand why I put on different characters. But its not exactly like I'm not being myself. Each character is me, just a different facet and I change into the one that I want to be and feel I need to be the most at that current point in time. It gives me confidence. That's what I need. The character I am now is Poppy. She is a British boarding school girl that is confident in herself, treats her body with respect and values herself. That used to be me, where she went I don't know but I'm hoping this will help me bring her back.

You can cry all you want, complain about your life but nothing will change if you don't help it along. I realised in that moment when I took a stand that I only have myself too look out for myself, if that makes sense, sure your friends will help and if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend they will be your rock but honestly it is not fair on them. In the end all you have is yourself because that will be the only solid foundation you have, you are stuck with them - they can't leave. So my advice, if you choose to take it, make peace with yourself, understand your worth and grow stronger. You may be human but your mind is an amazing thing and no matter how worthless you feel or it makes you feel, you are in control of it. Bite the dog on the ear! Show who is boss!

Love as much as you breathe xx