Dream Job

My dream job has always been acting. If I could act full time that would be my dream job either it be stage or film, although film and tv is where my heart is at. Although both experiences are quite different and you learn a lot from both.

I've been acting since I was in year 7 but then again since I was a kid I was putting on all of these different characters and loved impersonating TV or Film characters. I have always wanted to pursue it but due to some people not approving it I tried finding other avenues to go through. Everything I've done since I've become bored of or it is a phase and my passion keeps going back to acting. So you know what I am pursuing my day every day and I will get there.

Watch me (:

My favorite quote

I don't have any favorites, as you all know since I stated it in Facts about me. Previous post.

But the one on this site that I used, is a great motto to go by:

Do What Makes You Happy

Be With Who Makes You Happy

Laugh As Much As You Breathe

Love As Long As You Live

Yeah let's go with that. (:

20 Facts about me

1. Always make a mess when I eat
2. Trip whenever, even if it isnt deemed necessary
3. Have no favorites
4. Am 154cm or 5.1 feet tall
5. Social Media nerd
6. Fabricated stories when I was a child. Apparently was a princess and owned a thoroughbred horse named Chestnut.
7. Hate pulp with a passion
8. Can play guitar
9. Can sing
10. I am an actor
11. I paint, but have only one of my paintings as everyone else have wanted me to painted for them.
12. Twix and Maltesers are my main men.
13. Running is a passion
14. Exploring is a must
15. Am allergic to nuts
16. Can not keep a plant alive if my life depended on it
17. Name all her inanimate objects
18. Am obsessed with beanies and gum.
19. I am always cold.
20. Favorite memories have been with one guy...oh I must have favorites then. I fabricated that part ;)

1. My blogs name

Welcome to my challenge! 30 days of blogging haha.
I don't usually blog on the weekends but hey, one can change. SO

Today is what is my blog name and I'm guessing the point of it is to say why I've called it '365 Days of Summer'.

Well I was going through a rough time and I made this blog to be something positive, every day I had to write something good or positive that happened. Then I'd have a whole years worth because even though you may be having a bad day, there must be something you did or had or realised that you'd be grateful for.

So I guess thats it. Wow that was easy.

I'm also trying out some characterisation today - a British boarding school girl.

Lets see how I go.

Love as much as you breathe xx

Today is the first day in a while where my  motivation is right on peak. AND ITS A FRIDAY. Like what??

I like this feeling, able to do all my work and get things done and not feel like I've wasted the company's time, money or my day. It really started last night at 6 pm when I got home, put a load of washing on, took a shower, got dinner prepped, hung the washing up, went to singing, put another load of washing on, made dinner, ate dinner, made two batches of brownies, made mum's birthday card...Happy Birthday Mum..and watched a movie and got to bed at 11.30pm. I went to bed feeling accomplished and clean. That's always good!

This morning I woke up, I got ready, my boyfriend (whatever you want to call him) called me and I went on the train with a new book in hand and we talked the whole morning. It put me in a pretty good mood. Oh and its casual Friday so I'm feeling comfortable. I started doing my work consistently without much distraction, went to the gym with a friend for half an hour. My 'boyfriend' called me again and we talked and joked around and now I have done most of my afternoon duties and I have two and a half hours to go.

Let's hope time goes fast as it is going now. Makes the work day more bearable.

Also its very much like Spring out, even though we still have a month of winter, the sky is brighter and lighter in the mornings too. Today feels good and I'm hoping nothing happens to that.

Also tomorrow I'm starting a 30 day challenge on this blog so we shall see how that goes, and Ill do those plus whatever I feel like (: Stay tuned!

Love as much as you breathe xx

For Poppy's sake!

I cried last night. I just broke down and cried. Was it from the heaviness I felt all day? The one I was pushing away? The one I couldn't explain? I'm not too sure. But somebody close to me got off the phone with me that night and I could feel his weight on his shoulders and then I realised maybe I was feeling what he felt. Its happened often. But that is besides the point.

I hung up. I broke. The dog looked at me with curiosity. And just like that the dog jumped into action and came up and started licking me and hugging me. How did she know? I haven't grown up with dogs, I was actually quite annoyed at this dog an hour before but her loyalty is beyond any human I know. She didn't care that I yelled at her, she just cared that I was hurt.

Then there was a point in time during the licking and hugging that I got up and realised this has got to stop. Whatever this is. That enough is enough and I don't like feeling like this so I have to change something.

A lot of you may not understand why I put on different characters. But its not exactly like I'm not being myself. Each character is me, just a different facet and I change into the one that I want to be and feel I need to be the most at that current point in time. It gives me confidence. That's what I need. The character I am now is Poppy. She is a British boarding school girl that is confident in herself, treats her body with respect and values herself. That used to be me, where she went I don't know but I'm hoping this will help me bring her back.

You can cry all you want, complain about your life but nothing will change if you don't help it along. I realised in that moment when I took a stand that I only have myself too look out for myself, if that makes sense, sure your friends will help and if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend they will be your rock but honestly it is not fair on them. In the end all you have is yourself because that will be the only solid foundation you have, you are stuck with them - they can't leave. So my advice, if you choose to take it, make peace with yourself, understand your worth and grow stronger. You may be human but your mind is an amazing thing and no matter how worthless you feel or it makes you feel, you are in control of it. Bite the dog on the ear! Show who is boss!

Love as much as you breathe xx

An explanation

I want to cry
I want to scream
I want to shout it all out
I want to wallow
I want to be alone
but I want to be loved no doubt

I want to be hugged
Tightly and surely
I want the pieces to keep together
I want to be told it will all be okay
but...
I want to run
run away from them all
keep running till road turns to earth
and its just me and the world

I want to push
I want to hide
I dont want them around
I don't want their pity
But when I'm gone
I want them to search
I want to be found

I want to matter
I want anonymity
I want them to stay
and never leave
like the rest
I will test.
I want to be cruel
I want to hate
I want to punch, kick and then lay
Lay and not feel
I want to not feel.

This is me
Emotions wild and free
I'm scatterbrained
Trust this is not feigned
Its not a cry for attention
But a cry for help
Which I will not take for the life of me.

What do I want
All of the above
Doesn't make sense?
Welcome to my place.
Roaming and going nowhere
all at the same time.

I want the tears to fall
till my throat is hoarse
I want to rip inside and out
Till there is nothing more
but the skeleton
of a girl
who felt too much
and wanted to feel nothing at all.



This is a poem I just wrote about, just right now, at work where I'm trying to break and where I felt like everything in my head was going to explode into a million pieces and the people that I want the most aren't here to help me pick them up. But then again I don't want to talk to anyone, I feel like nobody will understand this, when I'm 'ill' they just see quiet, meek me, they don't see the war underneath. I want to tell those people closest to me some days, but its too hard to explain. This blog is supposed to be about happiness, but reality is you aren't going to have 365 days of happiness. Like me you are going to have your good days, your bad days and the days where you just can't breathe, where things feel a little odd. I write, thats my expression. I paint too but my paints are at my mums house which I miss way too much. So its not always going to be an awesome year but just remember there are those good days and thats what you live for, they make up for the rest. Don't be swallowed by the pit but reach out. If you have triggers, know them. My trigger happened last night. I apologised this morning, wasn't enough. but now I feel calmer after writing it all out. I needed to tell someone so I told you, anyone who reads this. I don't expect you to understand, but if you do, I feel for you.

Love as much as you breathe xx