Birthday revelations

Hip Hip Hooray!
It was my 21st Birthday!
Yesterday.

Look at that rhyme, let's appreciate the lack of effort I put into that.

So yes. It was my birthday. I am 21. Officially an adult in every country now - didn't even realise until somebody had mentioned it - clearly I thought that was a big deal...lol. What did I do on my 21st birthday someone might ask?

Well, I ate cake and other yummies, got beautiful flowers from work, was made a big deal of, felt special as family and friends congratulated me on getting a year older - yes guys, its true I didn't have to do much to turn a year older, all it took was breathing. Fair effort I say. I also had some family over to celebrate with me.

That is what I would tell anyone who asked.

What did I really do?

I cried.

I was holding it in so much the entire day, plastered that smile like you wouldn't believe, took calls in a cheery voice, but then I broke down on the way home and cried. Not just tears either, oh no, the works.

For anyone who isn't aware - I don't cry. Ever.

Why did you cry? What possibly could be that bad on your birthday when it is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life.

To be honest I think the whole pressure of everything apparently having to go perfect on the day had a lot to do with it. Usually I'm nonchalant, whatever happens happens, shit happens kinda gal, no use caring about it. But everyone making a big deal out of one day brought up my expectations of how the day was supposed to go. Why did I cry? It was because it didn't.

I was told on the one day that I turn 21 (the big one) that the one person that I really wanted to be by my side through the embarrassment and over the top cheeriness couldn't attend. He had personal business to attend which couldn't wait another day. Me, I know I would have worked things around and when that wasn't done for me, well things sort of crumbled. Perspectives crashed and yeah it sort of ruined my day. Did I fight back? For once in my life I did. Did it work? No, it was never supposed to but then it made me look like a spoilt child who didn't get what they wanted. I am not that. What felt worse was the people who knew about it, they didn't seem to think it was a big deal. Making me feel like I was acting ridiculous and when I act ridiculous or feel like I am, I distance myself because thats one thing I hate - to look crazy, or clingy. Give the guy space (is something I live by).

In the end, was it his fault that my day was ruined - no. It was entirely mine. Because yes I love him more than words can say but he is one person that loves me, if last night was anything to learn by - there were a lot more people that were there and that love me too. I should have been grateful for that. This is what I have learned. You decide on your mood, its entirely your choice to view your perspective. People love me. That is more than I could want. They were there, they made my night pretty awesome. My cousins and I played riddles, we ate, we laughed, we conquered.

Did I want to sleep alone last night? On my birthday? No of course not. But it was a reality check - where the fuck did my independence go. I am a strong woman, I have a great mindset, I can do what I want when I put my mind to it. Did I really need him last night? I thought I did. But I didn't. I just wanted things to go the way I wanted. When it doesn't, don't disregard the whole picture find the things and focus on what is right.

He makes everyday my birthday if that makes sense. Sure its a milestone but its just a day.

That is what I learned and what I am living by now. Sure try fight for it if it really means that much to you, if that doesn't work though, don't let that spoil everything else. Trust me, it will turn out better than you expect (: