BANGER OF A YEAR 2013

Hi guys soooo this year, wow whatta a year. Every year I do this I always think I can’t possibly have this much drama and learn so much more in the next year. Every year I am wrong.

I said 2012 was the best year, sure I seemed happier but I must admit it is this year, the year of 2013 that I believe has been the best year because all of the little nitty gritty lies have come out and what I am left with is much more genuine than what I had and I appreciate that a whole lot more. 

It is in these past couple of months that I have been the happiest I have ever been, apart from when I was like a kid (but who likes naivete hey?!) And in this year reflection it is my obligation to let y’all know why I am happy and what has happened this year that has lead me to feel satisfied with myself and leave on a good note. I think it was 2011 when I said I was leaving the year with all the questions not answered and that’s okay. Well you know its two years passed and the questions have been answered! I have grown, I have accomplished, I have learned so many lessons due to experiences and that brings me onto my first point.

Experiences…now before I go onto this I would like to define my year in half. Until about September my decisions and thoughts were defined about one person.  After September I was back to my independent self. Okay so it didn’t happen overnight. One of the experiences was heartbreak, now I don’t think the person responsible for this actually knew at all what I went through but it was pretty hefty and for a bit there I thought I wouldn’t get over it because my brain was so toxicated by this one person. Honestly I thought I was happy at one point but in reality it was a mask and I was just drunk off broken promises and manipulation. It was not happy. I thought that person was good for me. I was wrong because I see much more clearly now and when that person abandoned by this two faced person. Abandoned sounds pretty dramatic, maybe it is but if someone is told that they’d talk to you soon and then drop off the face of the Earth with out even a second glance back. You tend to go over everything you felt, everything you went through and all those memories. What for?  I’d say it was all a waste but if it were a waste then I wouldn’t possibly appreciate what I have now, I wouldn’t see that there are better people now. There was this quote ‘you accept the love you deserve’ I believed I deserved what I had but it wasn’t until I saw much more clearly that I knew I deserved a lot better and I wouldn’t stand to be put back in a situation like that.  I was an option not a priority. I was the dirt not the bulldozer.  People come into and they go out of your lives for a reason and I swear if you think of every single person you’ve met there is a reason or a lesson learned. But to the person who was the reason I went through it all THANK YOU. Because while you are stuck where you are I have moved forward I have become a better person, I have seen there is better out there and I know that I have such great friends, such great people that you are not in any chance worth the same caliber. Poor you.

Anyway because of that I have just gotten out there. I have become free. I have shown myself that I am strong, that I can carry my own and that I don’t deserve to be treated like shit and to appreciate the people who respect me for me, who are not treating me like a child but like a friend, like an equal.

I had said I had gotten out there, it’s a part of doing things for myself because after all that confuffle I thought it’s a good time to look after myself, I started exercising every day, eating right and you know what I have so much more energy, so many more genuine smiles and less lonely nights because I know that there are people and that I am good. I feel good for once in my life. I had said yes more than no, I have started a youtube channel and for all who don’t know just type Nataleigh Maree in YouTube.

I had never thought I would actually go through with the YouTube channel whatsoever, I was too shy to even promote myself but I have found something I am very passionate about. I even bought an slr camera. I am loving every bit of it. I know a lot of my family don’t understand why I do it, but it’s a little bit of mine, it is something I have invested and created and produced and its like my little project. And even though I am not YouTube famous, I appreciate every single view and every single subscriber. My friends have been very supportive of it. I love them to bits they are like my second family, I haven’t appreciated them as much as I do these days. The YouTube channel was part of the whole mindset of instead of dreaming about something just go do it. You have no excuse as you can always find a way. Just Do It…is one of my youtube vids (self promotion!! Haha) As I said there is always a way, sometimes the person just either can’t be bothered, likes complaining or is scared of any consequences, well if you don’t ask the questions you will never know the answers. It is as simple as that. I cut my hair short, I made this channel, I’ve been doing things that I want.

This year things have been moving and I am feeling acknowledged, as most of you know I have been part of a Tafe and doing film and tv well through out the year I was First AD and production manager for not only Certificate IVs but Diplomas even asked me! This was a real honor as I was a First Year. I had made so many great contacts and friends and I have worked my butt off to make it to the end of the year. I had found something that actually clicked, that came naturally and I haven’t felt that since dancing. It is an amazing feeling and then at the end of the year to actually get a Best Production Manager/First AD award for the whole year, that that was a great highlight. I was over the moon. But my best achievement would have to be getting into New York. I never thought I could because I never thought my idea would fly or I did it right. But I made it! I MADE IT AND I AM GOING TO NEW YORK AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN OVERSEAS AND I AM JUST EXCITED CAN YOU TELL!

Another thing I’d like to add would be Friends, there are some friends you can talk to for ages and those same people you can just lay on the ground and feel so comfortable and silence is not awkward at all. And then there are some friends you don’t see as often, maybe even months but when you do catch up it is like nothing ever happened, it is like you saw them yesterday. There are no reservations, no bitterness its just so nice.

This year I had three jobs one time and now its two jobs. I showed my parents that I can save and reached goals that I had set, that I am determined to show them that I am independent and can take care of myself. I don’t worry about money these days because of the way I save.

Another thing I learned kinda like last night that it is okay to say No. I used to feel bad and want to please everyone. I AM A PEOPLE PLEASER SHOOT ME.  Another thing I learned is that its okay if people know how you feel, if people actually know you and that you are not a mystery because it had to get there at some point, it’s a mature friendship and it is so much better. It is the best feeling when you can just look at your friend and with one look they know exactly what you are thinking.

I learned where the Orion’s Belt was and Mars/Venus one night. That was pretty epic.

I had learned so much but most of all, after all these years on ‘Take A Walk Down Memory Lane’ I had never really let go of that rock persona…but it was the night of Taylor Swift concert. It was a song called All To Well and if you don’t know it. Get on it. But!  After all these months, days, years, thoughts, doubts, I learned one thing that I am really glad for. I learned how to feel.  And it is beautiful.

I hope you all had a great New Years Eve. Check out my channel and on there you will find my other links to social media sites and I wish you all the luck for 2014, its gonna be a banger of a year and just go with your gut! Live, Love and most of alllll Be the Best You Can Be and Keep Smiling (: